Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy shit.
People never remember the million times you help them, only the one time you don’t.
Every boy wants a good girl to be bad just for him and every girl wants a bad boy to be good just for her.
When I joke they take it seriously. When I am serious they take it as a joke.
That awkward moment when you wait for a text but you realize you are the one that didn’t reply.
If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . . . . I am fantastic!
You can’t lose what you never had, you can’t keep what’s not yours & you can’t hold on to something that does not want to stay.
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.
No matter how far wrong you have gone. You can always turn around.
If past is written with memories of regret & sorrows. Then close the book.
If someone has something bad to say about you, it’s probably because they have nothing good to say about themselves.